Many of you know know me, know that I am an open book, and so I pour my emotions out. I do not do it to make anyone uncomfortable. I am restless and weepy and have her pictures, her teapots, her jewelry and a small part of her ashes surrounding me. I hear her voice in my head and feel her hands on my brow when I'm laying down and crying my soul out. So many great things have happened since she left us and I want to call her every day. Sometimes, when I am at my new day job, I shake so hard because I want to cry and I can't. I understand now why there was seclusion and mourning ritual. Sometimes I can barely hold it together. And than sometimes I forget. While I am here in the studio sewing and watching my JA movies...when I am out fabric shopping...than I make something beautiful or get a good deal and I want to call her and tell her and her loss hits me like a mack truck all over again.
I used to speak to her almost daily. I don't get to speak to her now. Cancer is a horrid death. I do not wish it on anyone, and I shall not go into the details, but suffice it to say, if I get a terminal cancer, I'm lucky to live in a state that gives me the right to die on my own terms. She didn't and it ate her from the inside out. She graces and haunts my dreams. I miss her so much. Every day. I know it will get better, but, I wish I could stay in my sitting room and let it all out at my leisure. The way a Regency lady would have the time to do. Alas I am a modern lady and must go out in the world. No Mourning period for me, and I will not wear black to regency events.
As to events. I will dedicate some time to describing and showing pictures from our retreat, which was, for lack of a better description, Splendid! Here are some photos of gowns I made and people. We were pampered by the staff at Chateau at the Oregon Caves and are now spoiled. Footmen to unload us, more food that I can describe including a whole roasted pig, Speculation and Whist, port tasting, dancing, a theatrical evening, a catered picnic and such splendid company, words fail me.
I was commissioned especially to make a lovely gown for Mrs. Dean of Fremont. A Goldenrod silk taffeta with a stiffer silk cut out over gown and Brown crystals.
And last but not least the ORS leaders at the retreat. I shall blog about it in depth by and by. I made the paisley gown Im wearing and the white gown Lady Lily Parker is wearing. Don't the 5 of us look splendid?
The upcoming schedule, above and beyond my new full time day job (I miss the summer of being at my own leisure) is: This weekend, I will be teaching a stays class for Somewhere in Time Unlimited and than on the 25th is the Countesses Dinner for which I'm making two new outfits for two new ladies. :) Then, I teach a gown class and there is a Tea and Assembly in December to celebrate Miss Austens birthday, a Trip to Alabama over the holiday to see my Sister in law who is in a delicate condition and than NOLA!!!!!! in January with Amanda for the festivities.
So much going on. I must get back to my sewing.
I am always your Modiste and A Baronets Daughter.
Mrs. Nora Azevedo